Friday, February 13, 2009

sadness + joy

I am in the midst of one of the most painful AND joyous seasons of my life.

So much pain and sadness…and so much hope and joy…all at the same time.

In the last few months, I have personally witnessed more heartache and devastation in the lives of those I love than I ever could have imagined.

I am in the process of witnessing a full-scale assault on the physical, mental and emotional health of one of the most precious people in my life.

Sometimes I feel like it’s just too much.

Sometimes all I can do is cry my eyes out and beg the Lord, “please, lift my head…again!”

Psalm 3:3
“But you, O LORD, are a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of my head.”

Sometimes I don’t even know what to pray…there just seem to be no words.

Romans 8:26
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.”

Just a few short years ago, this all would have been too much for me…WAY too much!
I shudder at the thought of what witnessing so much pain and darkness would have done to me.
But God is good.
His timing is perfect.
Before allowing me to walk through this valley of darkness with the ones I love, He gave me a season of pure light and freedom.

The Lord showed me (and is continuing to show me) that it is NOT about me. And sometimes I need to be reminded of that hourly!
It is not up to me to carry the burdens of those I love.
(Not that I haven’t tried…believe me…I have!)
But it’s just too heavy…and I would crumble under the weight of it all.

What it is about is handing the precious people that I love over to Jesus. They are so much better off in the hands of their Savior…no matter how much I love them.

The most important thing that I can do is pray, and pray, and PRAY.

John 11:3
“…Lord, the one you love is sick.”

So when I get up off my knees…and wipe away my tears…I am filled with JOY.

Joy in knowing that it is all out of my control…and that is a relief.

Joy in knowing that my prayers have been heard…and prayer changes things!

Joy in knowing that God is on His throne…so I can rest.

Joy in knowing that my loved ones are safe in His arms of love. And His arms are way bigger and way stronger than mine!

Psalm 30:5
“…weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”

Psalm 126:5
“Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.”


  1. What a beautiful post Amanda. God is hand crafting you an incredible testimony of who He is to you. I can't wait to see where it all leads. I love you, my friend. ~Joce

  2. Thank you, Jocelyn. I am thankful for you...your encouragement and prayers mean so much to me! Love you!!

  3. So sweet. It is all so true. What a beautiful testimony you already have, and will have. Our God is so good!! I want to taste Him!! Ha, enjoy your day, beautiful sweet heart :)

    P.s. You have great kids! ;)

  4. P.s. If you're bored and want to listen to a song... Meredith Andrews- Draw Me Nearer... I think that's the song that talks about "lifter of my head" in the bridge. But if not... it's an overall really good song anyway.

  5. The Lord has provided for you the grace, the truth and the strength you need for this trial. Jesus is faithful and true! These words you've written are His provision and His loving kindness in the middle of this season. May you be protected from fear and doubt as you read these truths again and again.